I was listening to an interview with Larry David on Audible (the February issue of Vanity Fair) at the airport in Costa Rica on Sunday afternoon, when I spotted his evil twin. If you think Larry David is self-absorbed, then think again. He has a double that I wanted to slap silly after my plane ride home with him while he was prancing around continuously through the single aisle.
I first spotted the Larry David twin LDT, sashaying around our gate as if he was a runway model. He was looking for something but it was never clear what it was. Then he was on line right in front of me as we boarded the plane. In typical Larry David style, LDT started complaining out loud about how long and slow the line was to get on board.
Then, surprise, surprise, LDT thinks he was on his own private plane. He stops at row 8, blocks the aisle and so no one can get by, and then proceeds to take his sweet time storing his carry-on in the overheard. After he finally gets his luggage in place, he removes it again to look for his earphones and snacks. Two minutes go by and I finally tell him he is holding up the line. He gives me a dirty look. The line behind me is out the door.
The flight attendant is asking everyone to move quickly on the public address system but he is in his own world. He could care less. He continues to rummage though his stuff which is directly above my seat. I finally sneak under him and maneuver into my chair. Eventually he takes his seat two rows ahead of me. As we are taxiing, he gets up again to grab something out of the overhead above me. I can’t believe this dude is standing next to me during this crucial period.
Other passengers yell out that he should sit down so he walks away leaving the overhead above me open. The guy behind quickly stands up to close it. He saved me from having everything fall on my head during takeoff. LDT got up three more times during the flight to retrieve objects from the overhead. He also made about five trips to the bathroom in the first class section.
The flight attendants kept asking him to use the bathrooms in the rear but he paid no attention to them. Then he decided to move his overhead stuff on top of my seat, to over his, because it would be more convenient for him when we exited. He arbitrarily moved other people’s belongings around to make way for his. No one said a word. He just took over.
LDT just couldn’t sit still. He was out of his seat more than he was in it. When we finally landed, he climbed over others to get off faster. I saw him again at the luggage carousel. He was the first one to get his luggage. He grabbed his bags and sprinted out of there. I was tempted to go to Tom’s Restaurant on the upper west side later that day to see if that character was hanging out there. Then I realized I landed in Miami.